Marriage first!!

Many think that cohabitation is the answer to making a marriage work.  They believe that everyone should cohabitate before they get married.  Well, I am here to say that the statistics show otherwise.  Cohabitating before marriage is hurtful to the stability of the relationship.

The affects that cohabitation has on marriage:

Cohabitating before marriage increases the likelihood of some things to occur in marriage and decreases the likelihood for other things to occur.  As you look at the list below pay attention to the types of things that go UP and the types of things that go DOWN.

Measures of marital success

Divorce (up)

Physical intimacy (down)

Violence (up)

Parents split (up)

Kids depressed, etc (up)

Health (down)

Infidelity (up)

Security (down)

Like me, you probably realized that all of the things that go UP are negative and all of the things that go DOWN are positive.  After cohabitation, the reality is that, marriages are more likely to experience the negative issues or even fail completely than to have the comforts such as health and physical intimacy.

Why then do so many people cohabitate?  

I think that fear of actually commitment may have a large part in the decision to cohabitate.  People want to keep their options open and have an "easy out."  I am not condemning people that choose this way of life but rather I am saying that if they only knew what affect it would have on their relationship(s) later I would hope that they would consider marriage before living with one another.

The first image below (pretend that the lines are not dashed) is two lives coming together as one (The hope for most marriages).  

The second is two lives that cohabitate and live "parallel lives"- Together but separate.  

To me, the first seems pleasant and enjoyable.  The second seems like a lonely way to live- Always together but always alone.

Get married and 
hopefully come together         \ /           

                                                      |         |    |    Cohabitate and live parallel lives

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                                                      |         |    |

                                                      |         |    |

                                                                |    |

Marriage first!  for the win!

Shanna